In time, maybe?

Despite recent successes, I still have this lingering self loathing.  Certainly the writing in my blog has changed from my "...pathetic attempt to hog the brownie" ala Bridget Jones' Diary, to a more upbeat, productive and healthy person.  Alas a person cannot be defined only by what they do and despite the old adage, "You are what you eat", I'm not feeling overly fantastic.  

I force myself to write the positive words, and pathetically smile at myself in the change room at the shops.  I hope to convince my brain, or maybe retrain it, to believe that I am lovely and all that stuff we're supposed to think of ourselves.  It's just not happening.

I guess I've got some work to do.  Thing is, I could never convince myself to love someone else, so how does one begin to love oneself?  Food for thought anyway.

Food

1 cup Guardian cereal with 1% milk

2 x Cuppa with milk & Splenda

1 hunk of vegetarian Shepherd's pie (homemade)

1 can Diet Pepsi

3 litres water

1 package PC Wheat Bran bites - they're just okay

6 organic dry-roasted almonds

1 Amy's loaf meal thingy

100 calorie packet of trashy filth that I never should've purchased

Exercise

50 minutes on elliptical - burned 549 calories

One thing I am excited about is PC have come out with (fake) chicken strips for vegetarians! This is very cool.  As much as Galen Weston Jr. is really annoying, I totally appreciate PC's new Blue Menu items, as well as the existing products.  Being vegetarian can be quite costly and time consuming.  When a grocery store takes the time to create new vegetarian items that are clearly labeled, meaning I don't have to meticulously read the labels, I am thrilled and they can be guaranteed to get some regular business from me.  One issue I do have with the Superstore is that so often I go in there with the intention of buying something in particular and they don't have it in stock.  Tip for the Superstore:  If you are going to advertise your products and try to get us excited about them, you might want to make sure you keep them fully stocked.  Just a thought.

Feeling sinfully guilty about eating to snack packs of trash today.  Will I never learn?!  I cannot handle the snack packs in the house.  I'm just not that strong yet.

Cupcake

xo

Measurements time.

OLD MEASUREMENTS

Height:  5'7"

Weight:  198.4

Wrist:  9.5"

Bust (sans bra):  44"

Under bust:  37"

Waist:  40"

Tummy:  44"

Hips:  42"

Thigh:  26"

Mid-calf:  15.5"

Ankle:  8 3/4"

Neck:  14"

Upper arm:  13 3/4"

Forearm:  10 1/4"

NEW MEASUREMENTS

Height:  5'7"

Weight:  185 pounds - 13.4 pounds!

Wrist:  6 1/2" - 3 inches... must've flipped the '6' originally

Bust (sans bra):  40" - 4 inches!

Under bust:  34" - 3 inches!

Waist:  37 1/2" - 2 1/2 inches!

Tummy:  42 1/2" - 1 1/2 inches!

Hips:  40 3/4" - 1 1/4 inches!

Thigh:  22 1/2" - 3 1/2 inches!

Mid-calf:  15 1/2" (same)

Ankle:  8 3/4" (same)

Neck:  13 1/2" - 1/2 inch!

Upper arm:  12 1/2" - 1 1/4 inches!

Forearm:  9 3/4" - 1/2 inch!

Total reduction = 18 inches!  I decided not to include the 3" 'lost' in my wrists because I think I must've read the tape measure as a 9 when in reality it was a 6.  If not, I had huge wrists!

In the last 75 days I have lost 18 inches & 13 pounds.  Man, am I ever proud of myself.  I didn't even start exercising (nothing to speak of) until January 6th!  I wonder what I'm capable of? How exciting!

Well, this news is enough to keep me going for the next wee while :)

Cupcake

xo

Knock, knock. Who's there? Size 14 pants. Size 14 pants who? Size 14 pants on Cupcake's butt, that's who!

Yep, that's right.  Yesterday I was feeling a bit cheeky, so I tried on a pair of size 14 pants (with no stretch) from Eddie Bauer and was thrilled as I pulled them up my legs with no struggle at the hip and waist areas!  OMG, you can't even imagine the smile on my face.  Really, I was so pleased. Definite incentive to keep going!

Food

1 cup Guardian cereal with 1% milk

1/2 homemade bran muffin

1/2 large organic Golden Delicious apple

3 x Cuppa with milk & Splenda

3 litres water

Approx. 1 cup homemade butternut & tomato soup (no fat or sugar added)

Other 1/2 of the bran muffin from this morning

1 cup homemade carrot ginger soup

1 hunk of vegetarian Shepard's pie

2 tbsp mashed potatoes... stolen from the pot!

1/2 cup f/f s/f lemon yogurt

4 small strawberries

Exercise

50 minutes on elliptical (at level 3!) - burned 541 calories

12 reps on each of the 9 weight circuit machines (upped the weight on 3 machines)

NEW! 15 reps on each inner and outer thigh machines (upped by 3 reps)

NEW! 45 crunches (upped by 5)

NEW! 45 leg lifts (upped by 5)

10 puke inducers

 

I tried All-Bran Buds in my yogurt and fruit yesterday and was surprised at how yummy they were!  It added a really nice crunch (and lots of fibre) to my already yummy snack.  Who knew. I can thank Donna for providing the All-Bran Buds as part of my Chub Club bootie that I won for being the Biggest Loser this week - thanks Donna!

So there's this little, but dangerous, secret that I need to get off my chest.  In the past I have taken laxatives to help aid my weight loss.  Now before you start questioning my sanity or my recent weight loss, please be rest assured that I am not doing this now.  So why am I bringing it up?  Well because 2 weeks ago when I had worked so hard and saw no results, I felt very discouraged and found myself rummaging through the linen closet looking for my secret stash of laxatives, extra-strength no less.  I took one that night.  I felt awful as it was going down my throat.  I felt even worse the next day when it just made me feel sick and (amazingly) didn't have any of the expected effect.  I figured this was punishment for doing something so stupid.  I realize now that I really love losing weight properly and in a healthy way.  It makes me feel proud.  Pride in myself is something I've been missing for a really long time and now that I've got it, I especially don't want it to go away.  I'm working hard for this weight loss and healthy lifestyle.  I'm going to throw the pills away in tomorrow's garbage pick-up.

Cupcake

xo

Yeah, I'm a loser... the BIGGEST LOSER!

I know I didn't detail my food and exercise on here for yesterday, but that was just because of a down-ish day.  My food was pretty on the mark, although I did eat two slices of cheese pizza & one breadstick.  

The cool thing is, I tried putting my slice of pizza down in between each bite.  It took a lot of strength (of character) to not wolf it down, but in the end I was much more satisfied, enjoyed the flavour of the pizza and felt full much faster.  On top of that, the guilt associated with eating two pieces of pizza is a lot less than the guilt associated with eating four pieces of pizza!  Go me!

I didn't go to the gym yesterday and that has left me with overwhelming guilt.  Funny that. I didn't go because my parents were leaving in the morning to go back home and I wanted to spend time with them.  Does that excuse me from not doing exercise at some other part of the day?  Absolutely not.  On Monday I will be right back on track :)

Food

Tall skinny vanilla latte (it was super good, I think because I haven't been indulging in very many)

Veggie & 'cheese' sub on whole wheat with one stripe of light mayo

Can of Coke Zero - yum

2 Laura Secord chocolate

Can of Diet Pepsi

1/2 basmati rice

1 cup vegan homemade chili

1 potato chip

2 cup air popped popcorn

100 calorie McCain's cake thingy

8 oven chips

Oh man... that food sounds terrible.  Must improve on that.  Can't let that 6 pound weight loss this week go to my head!

Exercise

Nothing really.  I normally take the weekends off.  T and I walked around the mall for a while... that's gotta count for something... right?!

Hmm, my personal goal for this week is to drink more water.  Of course it's also to keep on keepin' on with what I'm doing.

In other news, I was the Biggest Loser today at Chub Club - woo hoo!  I lost 6 pounds this week and finally get to rid myself of that darn large marble (CC members will understand this). Since starting at Chub Club I have lost a total of 13 pounds - YAY!!!  I was awfully taken aback by such a big weight loss this week, but I'm not complaining.

Actually the other nice thing that happened to me was I went and tried on clothes at Reitman's. I hadn't tried on clothes in a while because after feeling discouraged by how awful things have looked on me, I wasn't exactly inspired to do it again.  Nonetheless, I felt inspired because Spring is on its way and I now have an appreciation for saying goodbye to snow, etc, etc.  The clothes that I picked didn't look good and I felt kind of sooky about it.  Then I stopped and thought for a moment.  The clothes didn't look good because the style didn't suit me, not because they were too small!  YAY!  I forced myself to look in the mirror and smile at myself and think positive thoughts.  So cheesy, I know.  Thing is, if I'm going to change my way of thinking about myself, it has to start somewhere, right?

Oh yeah, I now weigh 185.2 pounds.

Cupcake

xo

Don't waste your money at Cultures!

My parents arrived home from Cuba on Wednesday night and came for a brief visit yesterday to see us.  It was such a nice visit, all very exciting holiday talk.  All the while I was of course dying to be the one on the warm Cuban beach, sipping fruity drinks with umbrellas and watching wee man play on the sandy beach that he loves so much.  Alas, I just had to live vicariously through my parents.  I was happy that they were so happy!

Now being with my parents means I have great potential to falter from my wise eating program; this did not happen!  Just a quick note, I am so confused by the semi-colon.  Jacquie Bee, can you please give me some insight on how to use properly this lovely piece of punctuation?  Thanks. Anyway, I digress.  My food situation wasn't quite as spot on as it is when I'm completely in my routine and in my comfortable control zone, but it was still pretty decent.  My parents gave me lots of support, encouragement and praise for a job well done (so far) - very nice!

Yesterday's food

Veggie wrap, tabbouleh & fruit salad from Cultures (I'm going to have a rant about Cultures in a bit)

Diet Iced Tea

1/2 cup basmati rice

1 cup vegan chili (made by moi)

Medium sized chunk of homemade corn bread

1 McCain's 100 calorie chocolate cake (bad choice)

1.5 Dad's Oatmeal Raisin cookies (bad choice)

Water and cuppas (didn't keep track of volumes)

Yesterday's exercise

50 minutes on elliptical (level 3!) burned 546 calories (now that's by memory, so I'll verify it on my card at the gym)

40 crunches

40 leg lifts

10 puke inducers

12 reps on all 9 weight machines + inner & outer thigh 

Okay, Cultures.  The service on Saturday mornings at Cultures is amazing, well, one guy in particular is amazing.  He's knowledgeable, friendly & is going to uni to become a Physician.  I heart him.  In Burnaby I had completely given up, no, boycotted Cultures because of the CRAP service and even CRAPPIER selection of fillings for a vegetarian sandwich.  The last time I went to Cultures in Burnaby, I ordered a vegetarian sandwich and was utterly confused as to what fillings were on offer.  The guy behind the counter seemed to have no clue what would go on a veggie sandwich - weird.  I ended up with two pieces of bread with 1 leaf of lettuce, a slice of tomato and that's it!  WTF?!  That was the last straw.  I swore I'd never go to one ever again; there had been many bad experiences before that.  What's one to do when you're out and about and need a healthy choice?

My most recent Cultures experiences have been both good and bad.  Saturdays, good.  Other days, very bad and reminiscent of Burnaby.  Yesterday was the worst.  I will never go there again.  Hmm, scratch that.  I will go there on Saturday if the awesome guy is there and I will tell him why I'm not going to go there anymore.  See the thing is, I'm pretty sure the people who are giving me the CRAP service are the owners.  So even though I like the one guy, I can't line the pockets of two assholes for the sake of a 'healthier' choice.

There I was, staring at the menu board, spoiled for choice.  I decided to be risky and go for something different - the cheese pita.  Yes, I asked if I could get veggies on the pita before I ordered it.  When it came time for the gal to make the pita, she asked me if I wanted cheese. Umm, didn't I just order the cheese pita?!  After establishing that I wanted cheddar cheese we proceeded to the very painful task of choosing veggies.  I requested, "All of the veggies available", only to be met with, "Well, what ones do you want?"... "Everything you've got".  We went on like this for an eternity.  For those of you who know me, my level of patience for insolence is not good.  I can go from 0 to 10 in a very short period of time.  It looked like the gal making the pita was trying to shelter something from me so I got kind of nervous.  I am afterall planning on eating this thing!  She was unwrapping processed cheese slices.  What?!  No.  Shyness totally thrown out the window, I called her on the processed cheese thing and informed her that that was indeed not cheddar.  Amazingly, real cheddar slices magically appeared.  I really should've just left at this point, but I didn't.  I was hungry!

I made a suggestion to the guy at the cash, apparently the manager, that I had never ordered a pita from their store before and it was quite a painful experience and that it might be nice to be offered a selection of things to choose from, rather than having to guess.  He told me they didn't have time to do that because they were busy.  Good God, seriously?  First of all, I was the only one there.  Of course I pointed this out.  He also told me it "... depends on who you get".  "You know who you'll get if you continue this level of service? I said, "NOBODY".  The lady who had arrived behind me tried desperately to get some information about a muffin, only to be met with surly and indifferent service from 'the guy'.  She then left after telling him how rude he was and that she was never coming there again.  Word up, sister.

I know that was a seriously long-winded rant, but I hate it when companies take the piss, especially during these hard economic times when quite frankly, they should be thrilled that anyone in their right mind would pay $10 (and change) for a crap pita that ended up having only one slice of lettuce, two slices of tomato & carrot, one piece of green pepper and 3 water chestnuts.  That of course means that I think I'm in my right mind!  

Oh yeah, it was the Cultures at Burlington Mall.

BOO to Cultures.

Cupcake

xo

Off track!

I'm getting off track.  Sitting here, on the computer, in front of the treadmill... again.  Another day off sick from school for wee man, my parents arriving tomorrow and it's totally thrown me off.  There's so much to be done, but all I want to do is sit, loaf around and eat.  Oh no.  It amazes me how easy it is to get off track!  I must persevere though.  There's cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping and exercising to do.  All this before tomorrow.  Shit.

Food

1 cup homemade leek, carrot, potato and celery soup

1 hunk homemade corn bread

Oh man.  I hope to post something good later.  I think a success today will help me realize my dedication.

Okay, I'm back.  Much to my total dismay, I did get on that god forsaken treadmill.  Man, I hate that thing.  My sweet, sweet elliptical is calling my name.  Don't worry baby, I'll be there tomorrow!  I'll be waiting, I love you.

Exercise

60 minutes on treadmill - burned 541 calories

Today on the treadmill I went at a pace of 3.8 miles per hour at a 10% incline.  I liked doing this better than the running, but I wonder if I should be running.  I suppose just as long as I'm moving and reaching my target caloric burn-off I should be happy. 

Who knows why, but LL Cool J has been stuck in my head over the last couple of days. Remember "Going Back to Cali" and "I Need Love" - hilarious!

Cupcake

xo

Mother Nature needs to stop this snow!

So as it turns out, I was right to keep wee man off of school today.  He napped for 2 hours this morning and has been napping for 2 hours so far this afternoon.  During his morning nap I was cuddling him and then all of a sudden he was snoring - it was so cute!  My arm fell totally asleep.

His nap this afternoon has allowed me to make soup, cornbread and workout.  I should really be out shoveling this awful mess outside...

Food

1 cup Guardian cereal with 1% milk

1/2 basmati rice

1 cup daal... the last of it.  Too bad b/c it was super yummy!

1 super big grape

6 medium-sized grapes

Approx. 1 cup homemade potato, leek, carrot & celery soup - yum!

1 medium-large hunk of homemade cornbread - oh yeah...

1 tsp lower fat butter

1.5 litres water

Cuppa x 2 with milk & Splenda

Exercise

60 minutes on treadmill (at home) - burned 535 calories - it was hard work!

40 minutes shoveling snow

Cupcake

xo