Day Four

Am so proud of myself!  This morning I was in a meeting that started early enough that I couldn't get out for my morning walk.  I was pretty worried that this would mean the demise of the exercise portion of the 30-day challenge.  Then I thought I would just walk up to meet Wee Man at the bus stop; the round trip, walking very briskly would be about 40 minutes.  It was like the no exercise gods were out to get me today; the wind and rain started up something fierce and I knew the walk to the bus was not happening.

Wee Man, as it turns out, is totally sick.  He's running a fever and needed some TLC that only a Mom can deliver.  The plan to take him with me to the gym was now out too.  

After loads of love and attention the Wee Man drifted off and I made my break.  The gym was very unappealing at this point, so I bundled up, and walked to the library to return my giant sack of books, then to the video store, to return my giant stack of movies (and got more), got some cash for Saturday night, and made my way back home.  How productive was that???  Good gravy!  I am so stoked right now.

In the face of adversity I prevailed!  Go, me!

Still no sugar.

I walked a fine line at Whole Foods today; was my curried wheatberry salad (best.  salad. ever.) considered a take-away?  After much deliberation, I decided it was not.  If I'd indulged in their sandwiches or such like, it defo would've been a take-away.  I reasoned it out that we buy that salad as a side dish, so it couldn't be considered a take-away.  There is a bit of guilt there though.

I'm really proud of myself right now and it feels good.

Now, I shall put on my Super Mummy hat and go sneak in Wee Man's room to make sure he's okay.

A.

Day Three

Day three is over, and again I did very well!  Hooray!

Exercise? ✓
No sugar? ✓
No take-aways? ✓

The bed time I set out for myself seems to be a much more difficult task; I just don't like going to bed early. Last night I didn't go to bed until midnight, despite the goal of lights out by 10:30 a.m.

Some really great news is, I came home for lunch today (I was busy running errands) and made a super yummy sandwich.  This is great news because I was so close to just getting a sandwich from somewhere healthy, with the caveat that at least it was healthy.  What is one of my goals?  NO TAKE-AWAYS!  I can't believe that on only the third day I almost caved.  Actually I can.  I am so amazed at how many times I buy food, coffee, and junk!  This is shaping up to be a great reality check.

I have noticed my mood and energy levels are great in the morning (once I'm out on my walk in the forest), but by late-ish evening I am so sluggish.  Tonight I have a headache and I'm pretty sure it's my body complaining about the low sugar levels.  I guess my body will still be trying to function as normal; normal being a huge amount of sugar.  My guess is that by the end of this week I'll be feeling much better.

Saturday is a bit of a bummer because I am going to buy my one take-away meal allotted for the month.  In actuality I don't want to buy any take-aways at all, but one of my closest friends is having her birthday and I can't really miss her celebratory dinner and evening out.  It does make me a bit sad to not have a full 30 days.  Then again, if I try in December I'll have all the excuses of 'the season'.  At least I am making a commitment to myself.  And really, what would life be like if there was no flexibility?  It still does bum me out though because I know I could do this.  Alas, time to move on and not focus on a future hiccup.

Bime for ted.

A.

Cascade curls.

Despite being a bit of a dirty find, I recently (literally) stumbled upon a step-by-step of how to do cascade curls.  I was taking pictures outside an abandoned old folks home and someone had thrown the beauty manual out of the window.  It's too bad that most of the pages had blown away because it would've been nice to have a retro hairstyles instruction manual!

I think I'll try this out tonight on my own hair and see how it goes.

Day Two

DAY TWO has begun with a bit of a rocky start; I feel so tired!  I noticed last night, after Wee Man was down to bed, that I was really struggling with the no sugar thing.  It seems like as soon as he's in bed, we gather up loads of crappy foods, sit down and either watch the telly, chat, or read.  All of those things are pretty good, except for the obvious - the crappy food.

Emotional eating is my thing.  So last night I patted myself on the back for passing by the giant bowl of Hallowe'en candy, despite my heart being broken by Wee Man; he told me he didn't like me.

Good news is, I squeezed my moderately fat arse into my walking yoga pants, oh yes people, they do have those, and went for a 40 minute very brisk walk through the forest.  When I say very brisk walk, I'm not sure if it really was.  It felt like it.  There was a gray haired granny coming up quickly behind me, so I may be in worse shape than previously thought.

Also, I guess I need to start drinking water.  Why do I hate water so much?!  Sometimes when I'm downing what seems to be my 800th glass of H20 I think of all the people who would die (literally) to have it, just to try and encourage myself to drink it.  Who am I kidding?  I can't even remember the last time I had a glass of water.  Sick.

Day One

DAY ONE of my 30-day challenge has started off well, although this is to be expected. At the end of this week it'll be interesting to see where I'm at and how I'm feeling.

Waking up to the sun shining again was really nice; I almost thought I'd slept in! The change definitely made for an easier time getting up and out of bed.

After sending Wee Man off on the school bus, I went for a very pleasant walk for 40 minutes. The sun was shining, the air was chilly, but not too cold. All in all, it was a great way to start my day. Actually it was a funny reminder today that winter is on it's way, when I heard people scraping the frost off of their windshields.

When I got home from the walk I immediately started taking down all of the Hallowe'en decorations outside. Then I prepped the garage for two cars being in it instead of just one; the frost covered my car this morning! I spent about half an hour sweeping and rearranging the garage, so I got a bit of exercise and a lot of satisfaction from that.

The no sugar thing is going pretty well. I say pretty well because I reached for the strawberry jam for my toast this morning and realized it was off limits. Also, when I went to move the Hallowe'en candy (of which there is a sick amount), I went to dip my sugar loving paw into the bowl for a confectionary delight, but I resisted. The Hallowe'en candy is going to be an issue. None of us need the candy, including Wee Man. A friend of mine in B.C. is going to tell her daughter about the "Switch Witch". Who's that you ask? She is the lovely witch that will switch all of your Hallowe'en treats into a nice new toy. What a great idea! I am going to try that this evening with our son.

I figured now is a good time to blog because I really want to snack on something sugary and yummy, but this is a much better way to spend my time. The washer and dryer have just stopped, so I'll occupy my time with that now.

So far, so good.

The sun'll come out, tomorrow.

I keep hearing about 30-day exercise challenges. I've even known a few people to do them. I guess because I don't know how, or maybe just refuse to follow what others do, my 30-day challenge will have a twist. Yes, there will be exercise, but there will be less exercising my right to sugar and ridiculous spending.

Tomorrow brings with it a promise to not eat sugar for 30-days. My body, heart and soul love sugar. The way it dissolves in my mouth, my tongue enrobed with it's lusciousness... ahhh. However, my health is taking a toll, so I need to challenge myself in order to shake up my oh 30 year love affair with my sugary sweet love.

Also, there will be not one take-away, food court, drive-thru meal. No matter how healthy a take-away can be, I will not be having one. Of course when I mentioned this to a friend of mine, she immediately said, "But what about my birthday?". I was a bit miffed for various reasons that need not be discussed here, but I will give in for that one meal (NOT the whole day that I'll be spending with her). Of course my Mom's birthday cake will also have to be a small amount of sugar ingested. Isn't it crazy? Thing is, people get really hurt when you don't share in their food celebrations. Should I outright refuse? I want to. Not because I don't care for, or love these people (or all the rest of the peeps that would want the same from me), but because I want to challenge myself and win!

Starting tomorrow the shit may hit the sugar-free fan.

To sum this up, here is what my 30-day challenge is:

1. 30+ minutes of continuous exercise that gets my heart rate up, everyday for the next 30 days.
2. No sugar. I will be eating things such as potatoes and bread, etc. I just won't be eating candies, ice cream, cakes, etc, etc.
3. No take-aways; food court trips; drive-thrus, etc.
4. I'll blog daily about all of this.
5. Go to bed every weeknight by 10 p.m., and lights out by 10:30 p.m. Weekends will be business as usual.

I will review and total the number of dollars we as a family spent during the last month on crap foods. Then at the end of my 30-day challenge, I will let you know how much money I've saved. Also, I am going to try to convince my husband not to buy his lunches on a daily basis. The likelihood is that I'll have to make his lunches for him, but I don't mind. I just really want us to see how much our buying these meals that we don't even normally enjoy (!) is effecting our bank account and our general well being.

This experience will no doubt be difficult, but I'm up for the challenge. If any of you would like to join me in any of the challenges I've laid out for myself, or something you've thought of, please let me know.

A.

Soul searching.

It's amazing that I just turned 35. Where the hell did the time go? I'm half way to 70. Good lord.

Lately I find myself searching, but I don't even know for what. There's this push to do something with my life. Yes, I am happily married, have the best kid in the world (don't even try to pretend your kid is better than mine), lovely family (both blood and marriage related), fantastic friends, etc, etc. What more could a gal want?

A career in photography? That'd be nice. (cue shameless plug) If you haven't already checked out my photos, please do so: http://www.flickr.com/honig

Freelance writing? Also a very fine idea. Thank you for reading my blog.

When I was younger I was painfully shy. I had two nicknames that stuck with me for the duration of middle school; pinky and Casper, oh yeah and fog patch. You get the idea, right? White as a ghost unless I'm otherwise embarrassed, or sun burned, neither of which took much effort.

Through my twenties my blushing continued and was considered endearing, cute even. Granted my level of confidence increased greatly starting at about age 24 and continued for the next handful of years. During the confidence years, my blushing was usually kept for especially embarrassing moments, or even moments of being in the spotlight.

Now that I'm in my thirties, I am blushing more, my confidence has changed, and I get embarrassed really easily. Even though I get nervous speaking with strangers, I make a valiant attempt to do so in front of my son. It's important for him to see me socializing and having enough confidence and chutzpah to speak to people I don't know. They are after all, just people.

Recently I joined the Parents' Association at my son's school; so far so good. The really annoying thing is that I've reverted to my middle school days as far as embarrassment and shyness. What the?? I find that I've got so many great ideas (yes, I'm biased, but that doesn't mean I'm wrong!) but I never voice them. Inevitably a couple of ideas have been thought of by other members, but still, I should be speaking up.

I need to take charge. Everyone around me, and most importantly, me, can only benefit from this very key change.

On the note of change, I have decided to tighten the old purse strings a bit. Shoving vanilla latte after vanilla latte down my gullet is making my waist line expand and my wallet shrink. It's sick and wrong. I fell into the trap of a major coffee chain again, and I don't like it. Wasting money is stupid.

My goal is to shake up many aspects of my life (again) and make a commitment (again) to myself. Here are the things I'd like to adhere to:

1. Only one vanilla latte per week.
2. No more shopping for clothing (for me) until 2010. And no, this does not mean that I can go nutso on January 1, 2010.
3. I must go to the gym at least 3 times per week. Note: # 1- #3 go together very well. If I stop the regular coffee shop purchases, and go to the gym, I won't need to go shopping for clothing because I already have a wonderful selection of clothing for someone with less avoir du poids!
4. Cakes, pies, etc can only be purchased for special occasions.
5. If I want cookies, I have to make them.
6. One take-away meal per week only. Friday night is the perfect time for this.
7. I will become a flyer whore. Researching the best deals only makes sense. The corporations do not need any more of our money!
8. A plan will be set to help with the following: spending less and all the cool techniques for this (I am SO good at this... at least the plan bit) & improving my self-esteem.
9. Start a website strictly for my more artsy photographs.
10. Try my hand at freelance online writing.

That's enough for now (ya think??). Just like me to get all gung ho (where does that phrase come from?) and overwhelm myself.

The good news is, today after the P.A. meeting I was starving, but I went home for lunch instead of my usual behaviour of going out for shopping and eating. Well done, me.

\,,/(^^)\,,/

Allison

The time is nigh.

This morning I sit at my computer. Nothing unusual there. The different thing today is I opened iTunes first. My theory was that I would start my day off with the first song in my collection of music, and that would set my mood. What was the first song? "A-Tisket, A-Tasket" by Ella Fitzgerald. Can a day go poorly when you start off with a gorgeous tune like that? In the words of Ella, "No no no noooo".

Next in line is the distinctive sound of Fu-Schnickens, "Aaaaaah Ooooooh!" Any song that includes a lyric à la Daffy Duck, "Ssssthufferin' succotash" simply cannot lead you astray.

I'm on song three now, and somehow my mood has already become introspective; the song leads my path. "Abalonia" by Talvin Singh is taking me on a journey; it makes me think on a deeper level. There's nothing quite like Indian music fused with electronica.

Despite my recent weight gain, and subsequent shift to feeling blue, the start to this day gives me fresh perspective and hope.

My photography has been picking up quite a lot, as is my involvement with Wee Man's school. Life is not difficult, yet I am bound and determined to make it so on many occasions. The infectious sounds of Alex St. Clair Snouffer's guitar playing has my body moving and mind flowing. "ABBA Zaba" by Captain Beefheart & The Magic Band, is something everyone should hear in their lifetime.

Of course learning the ABCs and 123s is where I need to start my line of thinking; The Pipettes is where it's at. Strange thing is, I can't focus very well listening to them. My brain is all over the place. Music seems to have such a profound effect on one's brain.

Just to further the complete brain freak out, some of my husband's crazed music is on now; "Above the Sky" by Airwave. This kind of music makes me feel frantic, in fact, I'm going to change it.

I'm a mixed up blur of emotion, uncertainty and confusion. Amazing how quickly my mood can change just with the music I'm listening to. Make no wonder it's a challenge for humans to live together! Since I cheated and moved forward in the list of music, I closed my eyes and clicked; "Puer Natus Est Nobis" by The Benedictine Monks is filling my ears and soul. When I was 15 I signed up for that crazy magazine filler offer of 7 CDs for $1 or whatever it was; The Benedictine Monks was one of my first choices. Over the years I've lost, given away, or had stolen many CDs, but this one has managed to stay with me. As you can imagine it brings back loads of feelings when I hear their enchanting voices. Memories of being a confused young girl; realizations of being a confused mid-30s woman.

Some shake-ups and life changes are in order. Things I've not done before will be done. Adventures I've not taken will be taken. Steps, of which there will be many, will be taken one at a time. As these tears stream down my face, I question why? Am I feeling relieved? I think so. Have I just figured something out? I feel like I have, but I don't know what it is.

Actively I chose, "Big Stuff" by Billie Holiday just now. She knows. Soon I will too. I'm already well on my way.

This blog will be getting an overhaul. Stay tuned.

Cupcake is no longer working for me. I am no longer her.

xo

Screeching halt, literally.

Yo. So I've been working out regularly, but stopped on Friday, is in, I haven't been since Friday. I've been at my parent's house and the first day I arrived I didn't have time for a workout, but ended up visiting the gym 3 times and then also running the track behind their house once. Not bad.

On Sunday when I was driving home from their house I was rear-ended on the 401 W. Yep, it totally sucked! I swore very loudly, "Whiskey Tango Foxtrot", fill in your own swears. I'm feeling pretty sore still but after a visit with my Doctor, I feel confident that the soreness is pretty typical and I should make a full recovery.

To add insult to injury though, I can't go to the gym right now because I don't want to upset my body. After this week is over, I'm okay to go back but I'm really afraid of falling off the wagon. This will be a true test to my dedication. The good news about my dedication is that I have stayed true to my healthier eating, as in, not pigging out and being ridonkulous just because I can't exercise.

The old me would have already started wolfing treats with the excuse that I was feeling crappy, or something. This new me has scaled down the food intake to compensate for the lack of exercise.

Oh yeah, I weighed myself this afternoon (not the best time to do it) and I am at 191.6. It's taking a long time to come off this go around, but I'm confident it will get better with a positive outlook and good life lasting habits. Whoa, for a second there I felt like I just puked out a self help book!

I think I'll keep a food diary during this week, even though there won't be any exercise to report. That being said, maybe I can go for brisk walks. Hmm.

cupcake

xo

I'll keep on fightin'

Seems like I might not be quite as obsessed with my weight as I have been previously. This may be a very good thing. Yes, I weigh myself at least twice a day, but I don't find there's anything wrong with that (for me). I keep weighing myself and then trying to remember to divulge the results here, but then I forget the number (this is a good thing). I do believe though that I weigh around 192 or 193.

This weekend I kept up with my healthful ways and am really proud of myself for that. Sure I had a few beers with some friends on Saturday night, and indulged in a slice of chocolate torte today, but I refuse to beat myself up for it. Actually I've been totally obsessing about the amount of calories that must've been in that crazy delicious torte, but I have to just let it go.

I gave myself the day off of working out yesterday, but other than that I've been keeping up with my regular regime :)

It's off to the 'rents house tomorrow... this will be a true test of my dedication. Fingers crossed!

cupcake

xo

Running

This week has been a bit of a bust as far as regular postings go, but it's not indicative of my successes on the gym front and eating right. In fact, the other day I tried running. Man oh man, it was tough and my legs were very sore the next morning, actually that was this morning. I can't seem to keep track of time!

I was so not into going to the gym today, but I did it anyway. What excuse do I have? Work? Nope. School? Nope. The workout was sweat-laden but I felt so good once I was done, really invigorated and inspired by my own get up and go. Despite my legs protesting, I ran again today and did quite well.

Silly thing is, one of my goals is to be able to outrun an attacker. Isn't that insane? Geez. I have this total fear that someone will be stalking me at night or something, but I'll be so out of shape and lardy that I won't be able to get away. I'll be like a porcupine, only I don't have any fancy quills I can shoot out! Oh yeah, I'm not inviting any potential attackers to challenge me!!

My food has been going well, but I use that term loosely; I've not been eating enough. It's not intentional starving, just that I can't seem to find enough time in the day at the mo'. I always eat breakfast, but lunch is a miss these days and dinner has been too because Graham hasn't been home from work until really late this week, so the first chance I get to sit down properly isn't 'til about 9 p.m. Once that time rolls around, I can't be eating, so I just avoid it all together and have a cup of tea instead. So not good. Amazing how comforting tea can be to an empty stomach though!

Total side note: I just ran up a flight of stairs at top speed to get the phone, and was met with, "Uuhh, hello? Yes ma'am can I speak to the owner of the house?" NO! Dammit, don't you know how much it hurt to just sprint up the stairs with my aching legs. Frig.

Anyway, my goal for next week is to keep up with the gym, as well as manage my time a bit better. Wee Man and I are going to my parent's house for a visit next week and I'm pretty nervous about the eating style that goes on there, and also the fact that I'd like to still go to the gym, but it's a whole city away (it'd be like driving from Oakville to Burlington), but I know they won't get it. They'll just want me to use their home equipment, but I can't get into the swing of it all unless I'm actually at the gym. Maybe I'll have to "Suck it up, cupcake", grow a set and just tell them I'm going!

It's official. I joined and paid for the running clinic! The clinic starts on August 11th and goes for 8 weeks. I sure hope I can do this. I hope to have the wise thoughts of The Little Engine that Could: "I think I can! I think I can!" and then, "I knew I could! I knew I could!" A little faith in myself wouldn't go amiss.

I'll step on the scale tomorrow morning and post the results here. The weight loss is slow moving this time around. I think my body's trying to punish me for all the roller coaster ups and downs.

Any runners out there, I'd love to hear some tips. Also, some good vegetarian recipes would be very welcome too... from anyone, not just runners :p

Food

1 cup Special K Cinnamon Pecan cereal (to die for) with 1% milk (approx. 175 cal.)

1 frozen yogurt popsicle (50 calories)

1 glass Coke Zero (pretty self explanatory on the calorie value!)

That is it... can you believe that?!

Exercise

- 507 calories on elliptical

- 213 calories on treadmill (ran one minute on, one minute off)

cupcake

xo

Weigh-in time.

On a side note, it's time for me to measure and weigh myself. I was pretty cocky about this when I originally started this blog in January (?) but am now a touch more sheepish. Frig it. I have nothing to hide.

The really great thing is, I receive so many nice e-mails and comments from people, friends, or otherwise, that encourage me, or confirm that I encourage them to move forward and strive for better. It's a really nice feeling - thank you!

I was trolling the internet today and ended up stumbling across one of the strangest inventions I've ever seen: the toilet scale. Wha? It is what you think. It will weigh you when you sit down and then weigh you after you have a B.M. Apparently the designer, Haikun Deng, has geared this towards women who are totally obsessed with their weight and need reassurance at all times that they are losing weight. Good grief.

The last thing I want to be doing after the 'doo' as she calls it, is lifting my legs up straight in front of me (your feet can't be touching the ground) and wait for my weight to be registered.

I would like to try getting weighed whilst suspended though, now that sounds cool! Of course I don't want to weigh as much as a horse in order to get that chance!

cupcake

xo

Epic fail.

Yes, it's true. Epic fail on the eating front since Saturday night. Oh man, how easy it is to get sidelined. One night out. A few beers. A few chips. And I'm off.

Sunday and Monday were filled with disgusting eating habits that were actually making me feel sick, but I just kept going. Now it may seem like a bit of a cop out, but I was trying to make myself feel like shit. The thought process behind that silliness? So that I won't do it again. Good luck with that!

Graham had the morning off of work and we headed to the gym together - how cool is that?! It was nice having some friendly competition. The regular location of my gym is women only, so today I got to experience a different location, one where G-ram wouldn't be scrutinized for having cojones.

The unisex gym was so different! Everyone was totally presentable for one thing. None of this roll out of bed and drag yourself to the gym. Male and female looked coiffed; outfits were all matchy match, it was a crazy difference. There's got to be a sociology paper begging to be written about this.

Food

1 cup Fibre cereal with Bran Flakes and 1% milk

½ roasted veggie sandwich with melted mozzarella (I had great hopes for this sandwich, but it ended up just being like pizza)

1 tall fat-free vanilla latté

3 slices of organic Golden Delicious apple

1 cuppa with milk & Splenda

1 hamburger bun

1 veggie burger patty with bbq sauce

Handful of baby carrots

Exercise

• - 700 calories on the elliptical
• Mowed the lawn

cupcake

xo

Still chugging along.

I forgot to write an entry yesterday, but at least I know it's not because I fell off the wagon. I am going strong!

Exercise:

• - 503 calories burned on elliptical
• 30 crunches
• 30 leg lifts
• 9 puke inducers

On the note of exercise, I should've done the weight circuit and an additional (min.) 197 calories on the treadmill, but I just could NOT do it. The last 2 days at the gym have been super hard and I have no idea why. Today I barely, and I mean barely made it through the workout on the elliptical. I knew if I tried the treadmill afterwards that I might collapse. The deal I made with myself, yes I was having a whole conversation with myself in my head, was that if I didn't do the weight circuit or the treadmill that I have to do my mat work (crunches, etc) and do the weight circuit tomorrow. My poor stems are feeling tired though, and good tired :)

Food:

1 cup Fibre cereal with Bran Flakes & 1% milk

1 litre water

1 cup Diet Coke

Veggie sandwich from Richtree (bun a bit bigger than I should've indulged in)

Tall fat-free vanilla latte (150 cal.)

Tonight is date night with Graham and I'm really looking forward to it. We are watching Coraline; they even included 3D glasses with the rental. I also rented Confessions of a Shopaholic. I totally love Sophie Kinsella, she is one funny bird! On the note of Sophie, I was thrilled to see a new book written by her in the bookstore today! In the last 2 days I've purchased 4 books and am desperate for one more: Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. Oh, back to date night; I'm kind of worried about the food this evening... delicious pizza. I must practice some self control.

Tomorrow is going to be even more difficult as it's Gallately Beerfest! Oh, it's going to be a good 'un.

cupcake

xo

SWASS

Ya know, I don't even remember the last time I had a day that felt as good as this one. I worked hard, and I mean hard, at the gym today. Strangely, the caloric results were really similar as normal, but I forgot to check how long I took doing the exercising, I think it must've been less.

I needed to go grocery shopping, and since my gym is in the grocery store, I normally go shopping after I work out. Today, not so much. I just couldn't bear how sweaty I was. It was ridiculous! After turning around to check myself out in the mirror, I realized there was no way I could traipse around with my SWASS (please note, the SWASS in this picture is not mine)! As it turns out, it was a very good idea to go home and just take care of myself. I felt really good having done it.

I won't go into all the ins and outs of the day and why it was great, but I thought it important to point out that there are really good days in life, and I hope to have many more! There might be something to all this not thinking negatively stuff...

Exercise

• - 508 calories on elliptical
• - 195 calories on treadmill
• 30 crunches
• 30 leg lifts
• 9 puke inducers
• 12 reps on each of the 9 weight machines in the circuit, plus 15 reps on each inner and outer thigh machines, and 12 reps (each leg) on the glute machine
• TOTAL CALORIES BURNED: - 703... the unevenness of this number is very disturbing

Food

1 cup Fibre cereal with Bran Flakes with 1% milk (approx. 270 cal.)

1 litre water

2 slices light bread (110 cal.)

2 slices fake turkey (50 cal.)

1 squirt of light mayo, I make it sound so good! (25 cal.)

1 healthy squirt of dijon

Lettuce (2 leaves on the sarni)

Handful of very small carrots

Glass of Diet Pepsi™

6 baked potato chips (50 cal.)

1 Babybel™ gouda cheese round (60 cal.!)

2 eggs (140 cal.)

2 slices light bread (110 cal.)

Squirt of organic ketchup

½ tsp light butter

½ medium apple

1 cuppa with 1% milk and Splenda™

cupcake

xo

Workin' to the bone, bone, bone!

There I was just a walkin' down the street, when I was met with an elderly gentleman cruising down Lakeshore on his rascal (a very fancy one). He looked right at my eyes and said, "Well, don't you look beautiful today." I tell you what, he sure put a bounce in my step! What a nice thing to say to someone :)

I kind of wondered if I was showing a bit more of my happy self, even just walking down the street. As many of you know, once we start treating ourselves with love and respect, we feel better. I still haven't been able to figure out how to fix the emotional stuff, nor the self image issues and they are serious.

Must admit, I have found myself on the scale at least twice a day since I started my latest health regime. It's got to be a bit defeatist but I do it anyway. I do find that when I ignore the scale, I end up in a bit of a pickle because it's almost like I can pretend the weight's not adding up if I don't see the number. Maybe there could be an argument for the positives of checking the scale (at least) daily.

Exercise

• - 506 calories on the elliptical
• - 194 calories on the treadmill
• TOTAL CALORIES BURNED = 700

Food

1 cup Fibre cereal plus Bran Flakes with 1% milk

3 organic strawberries (on top of the yummy cereal.. mmm...)

1 litre water

Bowl of very veggified vegetarian veggie soup

3/4 flaxseed bagel lightly buttered on one side only (the 1/4 left was unbuttered...)

Can of Diet Pepsi™

Grande Earl Gray tea with skim milk & Splenda™

50 calorie frozen yogurt bar - SO GOOD!

1 veggie dog with small amount of mustard & ketchup

1 whole grain bun (150 calories)

Approx. 1/8 cup green peas

10 mini carrots

1 vegan thingy (I'll remember what they were called at some point... 27 cal.)

1 tsp light butter

1 cuppa with 1% milk & Splenda™

I feel really happy right now :) The only thing bugging me is that I have to pee, like really badly! Ciao!

cupcake

xo

Bustin' a move.

Exercise:

• 203 calories treadmill
• 457 calories elliptical
• 30 crunches; 30 leg lifts; 9 puke inducers
• 12 reps on each of the 9 machines in the weight circuit + 15 reps on each inner & outer thigh machines; 12 reps (each leg) on the glute machine
• TOTAL CALORIES BURNED (on elliptical & treadmill) = 660

Food:

1 cup Fibre plus Bran Flakes with 1% milk

2 slices light bread (110 calories)

2 slices fake turkey slices (50 calories)

Small amount of marble cheese & mustard

Small glass of Coke Zero™

1 granola bar (DAMMIT!!!!) (140 calories)

2 medium ears of corn (I only meant to have one, but they were so good...)

2 tbsp light butter

4 fake chicken strips

10 baby carrots

1 tbsp light plum sauce

Man alive, I can't believe I just devoured a granola bar. I am so disappointed in myself. I was busting with hunger and before I knew it I was wolfing down a (very yummy) granola bar worth 140 calories!!!

Won't get down on self. Won't get down on self.

My neighbour, who totally rocks, is now fully aware that I am going to the gym. Hmm, this means I've got a watchful eye living right next door to me, he even asked me about how it was going and gave me some advice. I think this is a good thing. Another person rooting for me - lucky me!

I was pretty much ravenous today, but after my massive dinner (doh!) I have defo settled down. A cup of tea is begging to be made, then it's off to bed!

Sayonara!

cupcake

xo

Never fear!

Sunday evening and I'm feeling pretty darn good.

I bet you were wondering, dear reader, whether or not I'd already fallen off the positivity wagon, right? Well, I didn't! Since Wednesday, I've been going to the gym everyday and since Thursday I've been eating right.

On Saturday night a few of us gals went out to a local pub and sang karaoke. Now for some, this would be a regular thing and nothing new or special. For me? A completely knee-knocking, terrifying, yet exciting experience!

First, I sang with my friend J, then again with J and then BY MYSELF! I was so shit scared, but I did it anyway. I figure, losing weight, eating right, making the right decisions for my/our lives, all fall into the same lump category: bravery. For me, it takes so much courage and bravery to make the right decisions. I have no idea where I went wrong in my life that it doesn't just come naturally, but I am going to be more brave from now on. Like J said to me on Saturday, "What's the worst than can happen?" and she's spot on. The worst thing that came of me being on stage was I met some more people and had a few even dancing! Gee, that's so scary - not!

On the note of bravery, I am going to join a running clinic that is put on by a trainer at my gym. I was totally honest with her, gave her the lo down of how unfit I am, and she assured me that if I followed her training I'd be just fine in the classes. Thing is, because I've never been a runner, I don't have any re-training of technique to do. Sweet! There is no doubt this is going to be very difficult, but I really feel like I'm up for it. My end goal is to run in the CIBC Run for the Cure on October 4th. The run is 5 km and according to the trainer, I should be set for the run, trusting that I follow her technique, etc.

With my 35th birthday approaching on October 10th, I seem to have this push to do new things before that magical moment where I'm in my mid-30s. Very odd indeed.

I feel pumped and happy! I've got great family, great friends and a great new attitude towards life. Of course, "Suck it up, cupcake" is still my favourite mantra :)

cupcake

xo

Yaaawwwnn...

Mmm, stayed up a bit too late last night. I got home around 11:30 p.m., watched an episode of Nurse Jackie, turned out the lights and proceeded to stare at the dark ceiling for what seemed like an eternity. Ever have those nights? I didn't even feel tired, but I knew I should be. Sometimes I find some mindless crap on the t.v. to help lull me to sleep, but I wanted to go it alone last night. I think the t.v. and I will find something vapid to watch tonight.

The good news is, I had a really pleasant evening with my friend J.

I find myself wishing for a rainy day today. Odd, I know. Well, not really that odd for me. When it really comes down to it, I think I'm looking for an excuse to stay in my jammies and do at home stuff.

My ankles are feeling the effects of working out the last two days; I forgot about the squeaky achilles thing. I think I'll just use the treadmill today, then again, the treadmill seems to take forever to burn calories.

This morning's breakfast was particularly yummy. I ate my favourite cereal and then chopped up the sweetest, most delicious, organic strawberries. Yum!

Food diary:

• 1 cup PC Fibre cereal with Bran Flakes; 1% milk & approx 4 chopped organic strawberries
• 1 cuppa with 1% milk and Splenda™ (currently going cold whilst I type this)

A friend recently told me that I'm really hot and cold. At first I was a touch offended and then realized it was just because I knew he was right. It seems like many areas of my life are begging for consistency.

Now off to motivate myself for the gym.

More later.

cupcake

xo

Mitten, mitten, who's got the mitten?

After removing the mittens from my gym back, I laughed, packed up my summer gym clothes and away we went. Callum and Mummy, together at the gym! The beautiful thing about my gym is there is a kid's play area, fully monitored by two attendants who are certified CPR folks. There are wonderful toys, other kids, and loads of fun to be had :)

It was really difficult to motivate myself, but I made a promise, not only to me, but to T. I didn't want to let either one of us down.

Again today I went to the gym with Wee Man and I had a great time, and so did he! Woo hoo! I pushed myself hard today, but was nowhere near the level I was when I stopped going to the gym regularly in February. The good news is, this revelation cleared up something in my head; I was doing well before, I had achieved something to be proud of, and I can do it again.

One thing that's going to be really tough is the food thing. Man oh man, my eating habits would shame anyone; I really am gross with food. The food diary is going to have to come back. Starting today.

Food diary:

1 cup fibre cereal with 1% milk

1 cuppa with 1% and a packet of Splenda™ (I tried to live w/o it, but I can't!)

1 frozen mac 'n' cheese (250 calories... not the healthiest choice)

1 medium peach

1 litre water

1 handful mixed nuts

Large salad with the following ingredients: green leaf lettuce; toasted raw almonds; red pepper; celery; onion; grated gouda and a very light dressing made with grapeseed oil and mustard

1/2 chick'n breast stuffed with corn and black beans

1 ear of delicious corn with 3/4 fat butter

1 handful of sweet and yummy strawberries

1 large spoonful of Activia™ yogurt

There is a vanilla cake with a fresh strawberry layer in the middle that is calling my name. It's calling so loudly that I feel like that's all I can hear! There are also loads of other naughty foods that I have collected lately, sitting in their own special cupboard. I must not cave. Self discipline is necessary.

Exercise:

• -405 calories on elliptical
• -210 calories on treadmill
• 12 reps on each of the 9 weight machines in the circuit; 15 reps each inner and outer thigh machines; 12 reps (each leg) on the glute machine
• 30 crunches
• 30 leg lifts
• 8 puke inducers

The scary thing for me about food is, I can't stop eating. Even when I'm full, I keep eating... pure gluttony. This acquaintance of mine was encouraging people to (essentially) put their best foot forward and really put an effort into life. I was moved by this sentiment 'cause I tend not to put my best effort into life and I have no idea why!?!

Best foot forward from now on. Best foot forward.

cupcake

xo

P.S.

Last I looked (this afternoon) I weighed a staggering 201.8... the most I've weighed in a long time.

Addendum to the food diary:

2 x Bud Light Lime; shared with a good friend... that means the calories don't count, right?!