Are you there god? It's me, cupcake.

HELP!  So I've been trying to get through this rough patch of eating badly (oh no) and not going to the gym (oh goodness no), but I can't seem to do it on my own.  If you are reading this, please send me a note to either kick my sorry butt into gear and start eating right again, or just rake me over the coals... something... please.

My Mom's visit completely threw me off course; no gym for the last 2 days and tons of really high fat and high sugar foods.  I feel like shit, physically & emotionally.  Two days is all it has taken for me to go from being super proud of myself to super low.  I'm gob smacked at how easy it has been for me to throw all of my good work and self teaching out the window.  

I feel like a failure all over again.

I am sad.

cupcake

xo

S-A-T-U-R-D-A-Y night!

The weekend brought with it fun, but a lot of food and drinks that I would've been better off without.  That being said, I didn't go too overboard, so I don't feel awful about it.

Saturday lent itself to being a very good day.  I woke up with sun shining out my ass.  No really. I felt like a million bucks when I got up.  I was all smiles and cheer for the majority of Saturday and I loved feeling that way.  I took a couple of pictures of myself because I was actually feeling good, therefore if you look to your right you'll see the latest progress shot.  I was disappointed that I didn't take a 'before' picture when I started on this weight loss/healthier me extravaganza, but I can start taking some along the way now.

I am very proud to say that I won the Chub Club 6 week weight loss (percentage) challenge!  I lost 7% of my body weight, also known as 14 pounds.  Week in and week out I work really hard, but without the support of the women in this group, I think I would've fallen off the wagon far more often.  Thanks ladies.  My weight at CC on Saturday showed as 182.8.  I still have a long way to go until I hit the sweet weight of 140 that I am aiming for, but I figure with hard work and perseverance I will get there :)

Exercise

53 minutes on treadmill - burned a paltry 471 calories, almost 100 less than on the elliptical!

15 minutes on elliptical - burned 169 calories

12 reps on each of the 9 weight machines

15 reps on each of the inner & outer thigh machines

12 reps on each leg of the glute machine

45 crunches & leg lifts

10 puke inducers

Food

1 cup Guardian cereal with 1% milk

3/4 small oat bagel 

1 cup Amy's vegetable & lentil soup

2 tbsp cream cheese

1.5 litres water

1/2 cup basmati rice

1 cup veggie (homemade) curry

1 oatmeal raisin cookie (130 calories)

2 x cuppas with milk & Splenda

1 peach & mango smoothie bar (80 calories)

1 macaroni noodle (testing to see if it was done)

6 organic dry roasted almonds

Cupcake

xo

Snacky McSnackerson

Exercise

50 minutes on elliptical - burned 552 calories

12 reps on each of the 9 weight circuit machines

15 reps on each of the inner & outer thigh machines

12 reps on (each leg) the glute machine (this is my new favourite machine)

45 crunches & leg lifts

10 puke inducers

Food

1 cup fibre cereal with 1% milk

Cuppa with milk & Splenda (we seem to have a never ending supply of Splenda!)

1 egg salad sandwich on whole wheat from Tim Horton's

1/2 can Diet Pepsi (tasted awful, but I was thirsty)

1 freshly baked cookie (must stop baking cookies, they're the devil's work)

100 calorie sachet of some crap that tasted equally as good

1 Laura Secord chocolate

1 litre water

Ugh.  I am a snacking fiend these days.  I'm not sure how to stop.

On a different note, if anyone has any exercise suggestions I would be receptive to hearing them.  Next week is my 6th week of going to the gym and I need to change up my routine a bit. I don't feel ready to take one of the classes because they seem insane and I am totally uncoordinated.  Plus, I don't really like the look of them.  This is probably all the more reason to try them. 

More later.

 

Cupcake

xo

Baby wants back.

I tried a new machine at the gym today, one that I've been a bit nervous about because it looks kind of complicated.  As it turns out, it's great!  The "Glute" machine.  My butt has never been a main attraction for my body, it's flat, and just generally boring and blah.  Now that I have overcome my fear of the glute machine, I can move on to having bigger and firmer buns :)

Exercise

50 minutes on elliptical - burned 559 calories

12 reps on each of the 9 weight machines in the circuit

15 reps of each inner and outer thigh machines *new* upped each machine by 5 pounds

*NEW* 12 reps (on each leg) on the glute machine (baby wants back!)

45 crunches & leg lifts

10 puke inducers

15 - 20 minutes of shoveling the driveway (not very difficult, but something nonetheless)

Food

1 cup Guardian cereal with 1% milk

1 litre water

1 whole wheat flat bun

1 tbsp Heinz chili sauce

2 x Sun Dried Tomato Gardenburgers

1 Laura Secord chocolate

1 freshly baked cookie that was begging to be eaten (eaten totally by accident!)

100 calorie sachet of lemon & stem ginger cookies

1/2 cuppa with milk & Splenda

Veggie & tofu stir-fry with demonic almond butter sauce

1/2 brown rice

PC Smoothie bar

Cuppa

Kind of a bad afternoon for snacking.  Yikes.

Hmm, bad pattern re-emerging; I'm eating too many snacks.  I have to get this in check or it will go downhill quickly.  I know myself.  I know what this behaviour leads to.  Must... not... drown...

Cupcake

xo

A couple of pounds heavier, I return.

So yeah, I'm pretty sure I gained at least 2 pounds this weekend whilst at my parent's house.  I can't really say I slipped, I just made a decision to not fuss about what I was eating.  Was it a mistake?  Maybe.  I felt awful all weekend because my tummy was terribly upset.  My portion sizes at home are quite small and light compared to how my parents fed me.  For the most part they provided healthy options, but there were just too many yummy things on offer!

My blood pressure seems to be really low these days, according to my parent's blood pressure machine, so I'm going to go to the Doctor.  I'd noticed I was feeling a bit faint, but wasn't able to sleep so I thought I might have high blood pressure, but that's not the case.  Over the course of the weekend I checked my pressure several times with the highest coming in at 91 over 56 and the lowest at 86 over 52.  The average blood pressure is 120 over 80!  Meh, I'm sure it's nothing.

Food

1 cup Guardian cereal with 1% milk

3 litre water

3 x cuppa with milk & Splenda

1 cup Fibre Plus with Bran Flakes cereal with 1% milk

1 large organic Golden Delicious apple

4 Honey Multigrain Pretzel Braids (47 cal)

1 Mini Babybel cheese (60 cal)

4 fake chicken strips

5 pumpkin filled pasta thingys (the technical term)

2 tbsp tomato sauce

2 thin slices of demi-baguette

1 tsp butter

1 Laura Secord chocolate

Individual sized f/f s/f yogurt cup

Exercise

50 minutes on elliptical - burned 550 calories

As it turns out, I can't seem to work out as well when the Communists are visiting (use your imagination).  Just like last month I thought I was going to keel over when I was on the elliptical.  I finished the 50 minutes, but I couldn't continue on to the weight machines and I feel gutted about it.  Now I have to work even harder for the rest of the week.

Cupcake

xo

Cordial cherries!

Normally husband would buy me a yummy box of chocolate covered cherries from Purdy's for Valentine's day.  Problem with that this year?  I just can't be eating that stuff.  Also, because I would normally receive this delectable treat, I can't stop thinking about them!  Oh sweet cordial cherries, how I love thee.  Maybe he'll have bought just one...

Food

1 cup Guardian cereal with 1% milk

2 x cuppas with milk & Splenda

6 organic dry-roasted almonds

1 litre water

FLT - 'facon', lettuce & tomato sandwich on whole wheat bread with 1/2 tbsp f/f mayonnaise

100 calorie sachet of stem ginger & lemon cookies (divine)

Exercise

50 minutes on elliptical - burned 561 calories (new record!)

12 reps on each of the 9 weight machines

15 reps on each of the inner and outer thigh machines (I love the inner thigh machine)

10 puke inducers

Cupcake

xo

Valentine Madness

Boy oh boy, I am struggling today.  I guess my day didn't start off as well as it could have.  I'm not sleeping lately and it's getting really frustrating.  Aside from the frustration, it makes it very difficult to summon up the energy for the gym and life in general.  My level of patience has never been good, but add sleep deprivation in there and I get really stroppy and defeatist.  

Granted, there was something very odd that happened at the gym this morning that left me scratching my head and questioning what people are thinking.  Picture this, I'm beet red after finishing my elliptical extravaganza and am now on machine #7 in the 9 machine circuit and I'm tired.  This annoying, self absorbed, vacant, idiot of a woman comes waltzing up right behind me (enough that I have to stop working out).  I turn to see what the hell is going on and there's her butt in all it's Lululemon glory!  Shocked I jerked my head back and was met with a hair sprayed, make-up laden, attention seeker; the epitome of the Oakville freak show Moms.  Now I've never met her before, but we all know of her type.  Why the hell would you choose to stretch amongst the weight machines?!  There's no room.  She saw my shocked look (in the mirror) and gave me the classic look up and down, raised her eyebrows and then went back to pointing her ass in my face.  Cow.

Is that the end of it?  Sadly, no.  The last part of my workout is done on the mats and it's likely not a pretty sight.  I slog away trying my best to do abdominal work, huffing, puffing, etc. There she is again, only this time she's moving a mat right beside mine (again in a very small area).  "I see you're struggling a bit, so I thought I'd come over and be your motivation.  This (she runs her hand in a Vanna White style up and down her body) is possibly what you can get if you work hard enough."  Fuck me.  What do you say to that?  I know I blushed, but one wouldn't have been able to tell because my face was flushed from working out anyway.  "I certainly hope not!  I'm aiming for much better quality than that (I waved my hand by her body in a similar Vanna fashion)."  I know, not exactly a witty comeback but I was shell shocked!

To lump all the ladies at my gym into one category is totally silly.  I should be fair, she is unique.  The women at my gym are not like her; she's in a class all of her own.  

As I was leaving the gym she came running up to the counter where I was booking an appointment.  She talked right over top of me and demanded an elastic "... for this mop of mine", no apology and then ran back to her class.

I've been trying to process this encounter all day and still can't make any sense of it.  I guess I just have to chalk it up to the fact that there are just idiots in the world.  I will not be defeated by a stick insect who spews venom.

Exercise

50 minutes on elliptical - burned 559 calories... possibly best yet

12 reps each of the 9 weight machines

15 reps inner & outer thigh machines

45 crunches & leg lifts

10 puke inducers

Food

1 cup Guardian cereal with 1% milk

2 x cuppa with milk & Splenda

6 organic dry-roasted almonds

Almost 1 cup of carrot ginger soup (homemade)

Small oat bagel with 1.5 tbsp cream cheese

2 litres water

11 oven chips

3 tbsp (no salt added) corn

4 'chicken' strips

I just finished baking Valentine sugar cookies for the boys to take to school & work.  OMG it was so hard not to eat freshly baked cookies!  Really, it was torturous.  I had a cup of tea instead.  I find drinking something warm really helps a hungry tummy.  See that was part of the problem, my hunger that is.  My food rations today haven't been enough.  It sounds like WWIII is going on in my tummy; Callum looked concerned.

So just after I finished writing I went to have a peek at a friend's blog.  She had posted on her blog an inspirational video.  Please check it out, I promise it's worth the time.

Are you going to finish strong?

Cupcake

xo

In time, maybe?

Despite recent successes, I still have this lingering self loathing.  Certainly the writing in my blog has changed from my "...pathetic attempt to hog the brownie" ala Bridget Jones' Diary, to a more upbeat, productive and healthy person.  Alas a person cannot be defined only by what they do and despite the old adage, "You are what you eat", I'm not feeling overly fantastic.  

I force myself to write the positive words, and pathetically smile at myself in the change room at the shops.  I hope to convince my brain, or maybe retrain it, to believe that I am lovely and all that stuff we're supposed to think of ourselves.  It's just not happening.

I guess I've got some work to do.  Thing is, I could never convince myself to love someone else, so how does one begin to love oneself?  Food for thought anyway.

Food

1 cup Guardian cereal with 1% milk

2 x Cuppa with milk & Splenda

1 hunk of vegetarian Shepherd's pie (homemade)

1 can Diet Pepsi

3 litres water

1 package PC Wheat Bran bites - they're just okay

6 organic dry-roasted almonds

1 Amy's loaf meal thingy

100 calorie packet of trashy filth that I never should've purchased

Exercise

50 minutes on elliptical - burned 549 calories

One thing I am excited about is PC have come out with (fake) chicken strips for vegetarians! This is very cool.  As much as Galen Weston Jr. is really annoying, I totally appreciate PC's new Blue Menu items, as well as the existing products.  Being vegetarian can be quite costly and time consuming.  When a grocery store takes the time to create new vegetarian items that are clearly labeled, meaning I don't have to meticulously read the labels, I am thrilled and they can be guaranteed to get some regular business from me.  One issue I do have with the Superstore is that so often I go in there with the intention of buying something in particular and they don't have it in stock.  Tip for the Superstore:  If you are going to advertise your products and try to get us excited about them, you might want to make sure you keep them fully stocked.  Just a thought.

Feeling sinfully guilty about eating to snack packs of trash today.  Will I never learn?!  I cannot handle the snack packs in the house.  I'm just not that strong yet.

Cupcake

xo

Measurements time.

OLD MEASUREMENTS

Height:  5'7"

Weight:  198.4

Wrist:  9.5"

Bust (sans bra):  44"

Under bust:  37"

Waist:  40"

Tummy:  44"

Hips:  42"

Thigh:  26"

Mid-calf:  15.5"

Ankle:  8 3/4"

Neck:  14"

Upper arm:  13 3/4"

Forearm:  10 1/4"

NEW MEASUREMENTS

Height:  5'7"

Weight:  185 pounds - 13.4 pounds!

Wrist:  6 1/2" - 3 inches... must've flipped the '6' originally

Bust (sans bra):  40" - 4 inches!

Under bust:  34" - 3 inches!

Waist:  37 1/2" - 2 1/2 inches!

Tummy:  42 1/2" - 1 1/2 inches!

Hips:  40 3/4" - 1 1/4 inches!

Thigh:  22 1/2" - 3 1/2 inches!

Mid-calf:  15 1/2" (same)

Ankle:  8 3/4" (same)

Neck:  13 1/2" - 1/2 inch!

Upper arm:  12 1/2" - 1 1/4 inches!

Forearm:  9 3/4" - 1/2 inch!

Total reduction = 18 inches!  I decided not to include the 3" 'lost' in my wrists because I think I must've read the tape measure as a 9 when in reality it was a 6.  If not, I had huge wrists!

In the last 75 days I have lost 18 inches & 13 pounds.  Man, am I ever proud of myself.  I didn't even start exercising (nothing to speak of) until January 6th!  I wonder what I'm capable of? How exciting!

Well, this news is enough to keep me going for the next wee while :)

Cupcake

xo

Knock, knock. Who's there? Size 14 pants. Size 14 pants who? Size 14 pants on Cupcake's butt, that's who!

Yep, that's right.  Yesterday I was feeling a bit cheeky, so I tried on a pair of size 14 pants (with no stretch) from Eddie Bauer and was thrilled as I pulled them up my legs with no struggle at the hip and waist areas!  OMG, you can't even imagine the smile on my face.  Really, I was so pleased. Definite incentive to keep going!

Food

1 cup Guardian cereal with 1% milk

1/2 homemade bran muffin

1/2 large organic Golden Delicious apple

3 x Cuppa with milk & Splenda

3 litres water

Approx. 1 cup homemade butternut & tomato soup (no fat or sugar added)

Other 1/2 of the bran muffin from this morning

1 cup homemade carrot ginger soup

1 hunk of vegetarian Shepard's pie

2 tbsp mashed potatoes... stolen from the pot!

1/2 cup f/f s/f lemon yogurt

4 small strawberries

Exercise

50 minutes on elliptical (at level 3!) - burned 541 calories

12 reps on each of the 9 weight circuit machines (upped the weight on 3 machines)

NEW! 15 reps on each inner and outer thigh machines (upped by 3 reps)

NEW! 45 crunches (upped by 5)

NEW! 45 leg lifts (upped by 5)

10 puke inducers

 

I tried All-Bran Buds in my yogurt and fruit yesterday and was surprised at how yummy they were!  It added a really nice crunch (and lots of fibre) to my already yummy snack.  Who knew. I can thank Donna for providing the All-Bran Buds as part of my Chub Club bootie that I won for being the Biggest Loser this week - thanks Donna!

So there's this little, but dangerous, secret that I need to get off my chest.  In the past I have taken laxatives to help aid my weight loss.  Now before you start questioning my sanity or my recent weight loss, please be rest assured that I am not doing this now.  So why am I bringing it up?  Well because 2 weeks ago when I had worked so hard and saw no results, I felt very discouraged and found myself rummaging through the linen closet looking for my secret stash of laxatives, extra-strength no less.  I took one that night.  I felt awful as it was going down my throat.  I felt even worse the next day when it just made me feel sick and (amazingly) didn't have any of the expected effect.  I figured this was punishment for doing something so stupid.  I realize now that I really love losing weight properly and in a healthy way.  It makes me feel proud.  Pride in myself is something I've been missing for a really long time and now that I've got it, I especially don't want it to go away.  I'm working hard for this weight loss and healthy lifestyle.  I'm going to throw the pills away in tomorrow's garbage pick-up.

Cupcake

xo

Yeah, I'm a loser... the BIGGEST LOSER!

I know I didn't detail my food and exercise on here for yesterday, but that was just because of a down-ish day.  My food was pretty on the mark, although I did eat two slices of cheese pizza & one breadstick.  

The cool thing is, I tried putting my slice of pizza down in between each bite.  It took a lot of strength (of character) to not wolf it down, but in the end I was much more satisfied, enjoyed the flavour of the pizza and felt full much faster.  On top of that, the guilt associated with eating two pieces of pizza is a lot less than the guilt associated with eating four pieces of pizza!  Go me!

I didn't go to the gym yesterday and that has left me with overwhelming guilt.  Funny that. I didn't go because my parents were leaving in the morning to go back home and I wanted to spend time with them.  Does that excuse me from not doing exercise at some other part of the day?  Absolutely not.  On Monday I will be right back on track :)

Food

Tall skinny vanilla latte (it was super good, I think because I haven't been indulging in very many)

Veggie & 'cheese' sub on whole wheat with one stripe of light mayo

Can of Coke Zero - yum

2 Laura Secord chocolate

Can of Diet Pepsi

1/2 basmati rice

1 cup vegan homemade chili

1 potato chip

2 cup air popped popcorn

100 calorie McCain's cake thingy

8 oven chips

Oh man... that food sounds terrible.  Must improve on that.  Can't let that 6 pound weight loss this week go to my head!

Exercise

Nothing really.  I normally take the weekends off.  T and I walked around the mall for a while... that's gotta count for something... right?!

Hmm, my personal goal for this week is to drink more water.  Of course it's also to keep on keepin' on with what I'm doing.

In other news, I was the Biggest Loser today at Chub Club - woo hoo!  I lost 6 pounds this week and finally get to rid myself of that darn large marble (CC members will understand this). Since starting at Chub Club I have lost a total of 13 pounds - YAY!!!  I was awfully taken aback by such a big weight loss this week, but I'm not complaining.

Actually the other nice thing that happened to me was I went and tried on clothes at Reitman's. I hadn't tried on clothes in a while because after feeling discouraged by how awful things have looked on me, I wasn't exactly inspired to do it again.  Nonetheless, I felt inspired because Spring is on its way and I now have an appreciation for saying goodbye to snow, etc, etc.  The clothes that I picked didn't look good and I felt kind of sooky about it.  Then I stopped and thought for a moment.  The clothes didn't look good because the style didn't suit me, not because they were too small!  YAY!  I forced myself to look in the mirror and smile at myself and think positive thoughts.  So cheesy, I know.  Thing is, if I'm going to change my way of thinking about myself, it has to start somewhere, right?

Oh yeah, I now weigh 185.2 pounds.

Cupcake

xo

Don't waste your money at Cultures!

My parents arrived home from Cuba on Wednesday night and came for a brief visit yesterday to see us.  It was such a nice visit, all very exciting holiday talk.  All the while I was of course dying to be the one on the warm Cuban beach, sipping fruity drinks with umbrellas and watching wee man play on the sandy beach that he loves so much.  Alas, I just had to live vicariously through my parents.  I was happy that they were so happy!

Now being with my parents means I have great potential to falter from my wise eating program; this did not happen!  Just a quick note, I am so confused by the semi-colon.  Jacquie Bee, can you please give me some insight on how to use properly this lovely piece of punctuation?  Thanks. Anyway, I digress.  My food situation wasn't quite as spot on as it is when I'm completely in my routine and in my comfortable control zone, but it was still pretty decent.  My parents gave me lots of support, encouragement and praise for a job well done (so far) - very nice!

Yesterday's food

Veggie wrap, tabbouleh & fruit salad from Cultures (I'm going to have a rant about Cultures in a bit)

Diet Iced Tea

1/2 cup basmati rice

1 cup vegan chili (made by moi)

Medium sized chunk of homemade corn bread

1 McCain's 100 calorie chocolate cake (bad choice)

1.5 Dad's Oatmeal Raisin cookies (bad choice)

Water and cuppas (didn't keep track of volumes)

Yesterday's exercise

50 minutes on elliptical (level 3!) burned 546 calories (now that's by memory, so I'll verify it on my card at the gym)

40 crunches

40 leg lifts

10 puke inducers

12 reps on all 9 weight machines + inner & outer thigh 

Okay, Cultures.  The service on Saturday mornings at Cultures is amazing, well, one guy in particular is amazing.  He's knowledgeable, friendly & is going to uni to become a Physician.  I heart him.  In Burnaby I had completely given up, no, boycotted Cultures because of the CRAP service and even CRAPPIER selection of fillings for a vegetarian sandwich.  The last time I went to Cultures in Burnaby, I ordered a vegetarian sandwich and was utterly confused as to what fillings were on offer.  The guy behind the counter seemed to have no clue what would go on a veggie sandwich - weird.  I ended up with two pieces of bread with 1 leaf of lettuce, a slice of tomato and that's it!  WTF?!  That was the last straw.  I swore I'd never go to one ever again; there had been many bad experiences before that.  What's one to do when you're out and about and need a healthy choice?

My most recent Cultures experiences have been both good and bad.  Saturdays, good.  Other days, very bad and reminiscent of Burnaby.  Yesterday was the worst.  I will never go there again.  Hmm, scratch that.  I will go there on Saturday if the awesome guy is there and I will tell him why I'm not going to go there anymore.  See the thing is, I'm pretty sure the people who are giving me the CRAP service are the owners.  So even though I like the one guy, I can't line the pockets of two assholes for the sake of a 'healthier' choice.

There I was, staring at the menu board, spoiled for choice.  I decided to be risky and go for something different - the cheese pita.  Yes, I asked if I could get veggies on the pita before I ordered it.  When it came time for the gal to make the pita, she asked me if I wanted cheese. Umm, didn't I just order the cheese pita?!  After establishing that I wanted cheddar cheese we proceeded to the very painful task of choosing veggies.  I requested, "All of the veggies available", only to be met with, "Well, what ones do you want?"... "Everything you've got".  We went on like this for an eternity.  For those of you who know me, my level of patience for insolence is not good.  I can go from 0 to 10 in a very short period of time.  It looked like the gal making the pita was trying to shelter something from me so I got kind of nervous.  I am afterall planning on eating this thing!  She was unwrapping processed cheese slices.  What?!  No.  Shyness totally thrown out the window, I called her on the processed cheese thing and informed her that that was indeed not cheddar.  Amazingly, real cheddar slices magically appeared.  I really should've just left at this point, but I didn't.  I was hungry!

I made a suggestion to the guy at the cash, apparently the manager, that I had never ordered a pita from their store before and it was quite a painful experience and that it might be nice to be offered a selection of things to choose from, rather than having to guess.  He told me they didn't have time to do that because they were busy.  Good God, seriously?  First of all, I was the only one there.  Of course I pointed this out.  He also told me it "... depends on who you get".  "You know who you'll get if you continue this level of service? I said, "NOBODY".  The lady who had arrived behind me tried desperately to get some information about a muffin, only to be met with surly and indifferent service from 'the guy'.  She then left after telling him how rude he was and that she was never coming there again.  Word up, sister.

I know that was a seriously long-winded rant, but I hate it when companies take the piss, especially during these hard economic times when quite frankly, they should be thrilled that anyone in their right mind would pay $10 (and change) for a crap pita that ended up having only one slice of lettuce, two slices of tomato & carrot, one piece of green pepper and 3 water chestnuts.  That of course means that I think I'm in my right mind!  

Oh yeah, it was the Cultures at Burlington Mall.

BOO to Cultures.

Cupcake

xo

Off track!

I'm getting off track.  Sitting here, on the computer, in front of the treadmill... again.  Another day off sick from school for wee man, my parents arriving tomorrow and it's totally thrown me off.  There's so much to be done, but all I want to do is sit, loaf around and eat.  Oh no.  It amazes me how easy it is to get off track!  I must persevere though.  There's cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping and exercising to do.  All this before tomorrow.  Shit.

Food

1 cup homemade leek, carrot, potato and celery soup

1 hunk homemade corn bread

Oh man.  I hope to post something good later.  I think a success today will help me realize my dedication.

Okay, I'm back.  Much to my total dismay, I did get on that god forsaken treadmill.  Man, I hate that thing.  My sweet, sweet elliptical is calling my name.  Don't worry baby, I'll be there tomorrow!  I'll be waiting, I love you.

Exercise

60 minutes on treadmill - burned 541 calories

Today on the treadmill I went at a pace of 3.8 miles per hour at a 10% incline.  I liked doing this better than the running, but I wonder if I should be running.  I suppose just as long as I'm moving and reaching my target caloric burn-off I should be happy. 

Who knows why, but LL Cool J has been stuck in my head over the last couple of days. Remember "Going Back to Cali" and "I Need Love" - hilarious!

Cupcake

xo

Mother Nature needs to stop this snow!

So as it turns out, I was right to keep wee man off of school today.  He napped for 2 hours this morning and has been napping for 2 hours so far this afternoon.  During his morning nap I was cuddling him and then all of a sudden he was snoring - it was so cute!  My arm fell totally asleep.

His nap this afternoon has allowed me to make soup, cornbread and workout.  I should really be out shoveling this awful mess outside...

Food

1 cup Guardian cereal with 1% milk

1/2 basmati rice

1 cup daal... the last of it.  Too bad b/c it was super yummy!

1 super big grape

6 medium-sized grapes

Approx. 1 cup homemade potato, leek, carrot & celery soup - yum!

1 medium-large hunk of homemade cornbread - oh yeah...

1 tsp lower fat butter

1.5 litres water

Cuppa x 2 with milk & Splenda

Exercise

60 minutes on treadmill (at home) - burned 535 calories - it was hard work!

40 minutes shoveling snow

Cupcake

xo

Poor soul.

So here I am, at home.  Where would I be normally during this time?  The gym.  Poor wee man is sick, so we are hove off at home.  His cough is brutal and he has been battling a fever.  Of course husband and I have differing opinions as to whether or not wee man should be home. Good thing we get along :)

My challenge today of course will be to stay on track.  This disruption to my routine must not throw a chink in my chain.  I am home to take care of my ailing wee man, not to eat.  As for exercise today, well, I'm going to use the treadmill at home.  It's going to take a heck of a long time to burn 500 calories on the treadmill!

Now off to be a loving Mum.

Cupcake

xo

Cupcake.

I've been wondering when all of this will become easier.  You know, like just part of who I am, rather than something I struggle against on a daily basis. Maybe it will always be a struggle.  Being athletic never really happened for me. Sure, I didn't try, but there must be a reason for that.  Wavering.  That's what I've been doing for the last few days.  Wavering.  I fear the resurgence of the girl who hates herself.

My tummy is getting smaller and that's a really good thing.  So often since I've had the wee man people have asked me when I'm due.  At first I'd blush and change the subject or something. Then I decided to make people feel as badly as they'd made me feel.  I'd tell them I wasn't pregnant, I was just fat, but thanks for pointing it out.  Finally, I gave up the fight.  Nobody was feeling good. I would just make up a due date.  The scary thing is, I started kind of thinking I was pregnant and that increasing belly was 'normal' and expected.  It was really frightening actually.  

I figure if I can start convincing myself that my gigantic belly is from some unreal pregnancy, I can start convincing myself that living healthy is the right thing to do.  There's also the idea that I don't want to be in the back pocket of large corporations.  They're the bastards that tempt us with unhealthy foods, unhealthy everything.  Then when they've finally succeeded at helping you get unhealthy and upset, they rescue you with diet plans, surgeries, potions, etc, etc. Dammit (Janet).  I abhor big industry.  Somehow living in the suburbs made me start to forget this.  I started shopping at the dreaded Walmart and going through drive-thrus.  What the hell? 

The fire in my belly that I'm feeling as I write this needs to stay lit!

Food

1 cup Guardian cereal with 1% milk

2/3 cup fruit cocktail packed in water 

1/3 cup f/f s/f yogurt - the yucky one is now finished!

1 cup daal

1/2 cup basmati rice

2.5 litres water - that's more like it!

Cuppa (yes)

1 whole wheat hot dog bun

1 veggie dog

3 tbsp corn with a super small amount of butter (in the pot)

16 oven chips (a serving)

Cuppa (yes)

Exercise

50 minutes on elliptical - burned 526 calories *NEW: moved up to level 2!*

12 reps on each of the 9 weight circuit machines + inner and outer thighs *NEW: upped weight on 2 of the machines*

*NEW: upped crunches and leg lifts to 40 instead of 35*

*NEW: 10 hand to foot stability passes.  One rep to me is the full pass, as in, both hand and foot.

10 puke inducers

Cupcake

xo

Boring post.

Food

1 cup Guardian cereal with 1% milk

2 Laura Secord chocolates

1 garden veggie sandwich on white (not by choice) with light cream cheese

1/2 basmati rice

2/3 cup (homemade) daal, using no butter or ghee (1 tbsp olive oil for entire batch)

Cuppa (yes)

NO WATER... good lord, woman.

1 piece bubblemint gum

7 kernels of air-popped popcorn

Exercise

None... well, I walked around all afternoon looking for furniture, I guess that kind of counts.

I still feel crappy and am desperately trying not to veer off the 'good' track.  I don't even feel like writing...

Cupcake

xo

BOOOOOO!!!

Yeah, it has been a rough day.  

This morning was discouraging, but I swear I am trying my hardest to not dwell.  On what, you ask?  Well, after a week of being disciplined, working my ass off and eating right, I didn't lose a single pound.  Good god.  I'm sure my disappointment was written all over my face as I sat there at Chub Club trying to be positive.

On a quite bad note, I ended up emotionally eating today.  This is the first time in a while, and I'm sad to have disrupted that.

Food

1 slice spinach quiche

Approx. 1/3 cup bean salad

Approx. 1/2 cup fruit salad

1 can Diet Iced Tea

NO WATER  - come on!!!

3 slices cheese pizza (emotional)

3 brown rice chips (emotional)

1 tortilla chip (emotional)

2/3 cup fruit cocktail (packed in water - 45 cal.)

1/2 container chipotle cilantro dip from our pizza shop (the containers are very small)

1 Laura Secord chocolate

Exercise

None

A slip up.  That's what today is.  My goal for the next 24 hours is to not let this set back get to me.  There is no reason to gorge on food because I'm feeling very blue.  I had better get up, dust myself off and start over.  It's not even really that big of a deal, the food I mean.  It's not the end of the World.  The really frightening bit was reaching, and subsequently eating, food that I didn't want.  I ate it because I felt sad and frustrated.

Meh, tomorrow's a new day.  I WILL NOT switch back into the negative gal I have been.  I like new me.  I like feeling happy.

Cupcake

xo