How the mighty fall.

Thursday after I went to the gym it was time to meet up with my parents.  Everything went downhill from there.  Not their fault.  Habits really do die hard.  My family eats.  Seems like so much we do is based around eating.  Go to the mall, stop for a Starbucks or Tim Horton's.  Go for a walk, get a Starbucks or Tim Horton's.  You get my drift.  That's exactly what happened.  We went out for something to eat and then ate out that night too.  Friday was equally bad.  Saturday was just as bad.  Sunday was the finale.

Today is a new day and instead of giving in to my demons, I went to the gym, despite being super tired.  I'm really proud of myself!  I worked hard today and it paid off.  Not only did I burn some calories, but I burned away that demon from my shoulder.  No, there's no angel on the other.  I'm a bit too naughty in general for an angel.  Maybe a faerie or a wood nymph!

Exercise

Elliptical for 35 minutes (burned 403 calories)

Weight circuit (12 reps on each machine)

Stationary bike for 9 minutes (47 calories... this was only done to alleviate my brain that was stressing over the uneven number of calories burned on the elliptical - aidez moi!!!

*NEW* 40 sit ups on the weird sit up machine

*NEW* 20 side bends on weird side bendy machine (10 each side - hurt like a bitch, but I'd love to have a beautiful hourglass waist... takes hard work)

*NEW* 30 tummy exercises (back flat on floor, legs raised to the ceiling, slowly lowering one leg at a time to the floor)

Food

2 bites of wee man's pancake (incl. syrup)

1 litre water

1 cuppa with milk and sweetener (sweetener as a treat, but I am tapering off)

2 slices multigrain bread (240 calories total)

4 slices veggie turkey slices (100 cal.)

Lettuce

1 tbsp whole grain dijon mustard, aka yummy yum yum!

1 tbsp light mayonnaise

1 raisin tea biscuit (bad choice)

1 tsp butter

2 tsp strawberry jam

1 cup low calorie hot chocolate (60 calories)

2 cups vegan chili (made by moi with only 1 tsp oil in the entire pot)

1/2 oz. semi-sweet chocolate

Soon to come are the measurements.  I first measured quite a while ago and now I need to see for myself where I'm at.  I'm pretty sure my tummy is bigger.  That thing seems to grow just thinking about food.

Wee man's 3rd birthday was on Saturday and husband was taking video of me delivering the cake to the table avec candles.  When I was reviewing the footage I was shocked.  I was horrified.  I was sad.  My tummy was so big!  I have this ring of fat around my chest and around my belly, both very dangerous spots for weight to sit.  I'm not going to feel sorry for myself this time around.  I allowed myself to feel pathetic about it yesterday and now I just need to move on and take charge.  Yay me for going to the gym today!  One other image of myself that made me very scared and sad was a picture T took of me during our recent trip to Toronto.  It was a profile of my face and I realized that I am getting the neck waddle thingy that my Mom's side of the family is afflicted with.  The really freaky thing about this neck is that it doesn't go away.  It's not like I can lose weight and it will fuck off forever.  It hangs around (literally) for the rest of your waddling neck life and I DO NOT want that neck waddle.  I just don't.

Talk is cheap and change is hard, but I will work hard!  Dammit.  I've never had to work hard for anything and for once in my life I should try it.  I betcha I'd feel really proud.

The difference between dreams and goals is timeline.  It is with this in mind that I am going to set a specific goal with a timeline, including the steps along the way.

I will start tasting food.  Enjoying food.  Respecting food, my body and the effect it has on my mind and physical self.

Even more, I am going to be more fiscally responsible.  I spend money like it's going out of style.  My overspending is also a direct result of my low self-esteem.  I get a boost from shopping, just as I get a boost from overeating.

GOISF:

Buying a large box of Timbits for co-workers on a Friday morning and eating them all myself.  I put the box into my very large purse and snuck them all day long.  Gross.