Yaaawwwnn...

Mmm, stayed up a bit too late last night. I got home around 11:30 p.m., watched an episode of Nurse Jackie, turned out the lights and proceeded to stare at the dark ceiling for what seemed like an eternity. Ever have those nights? I didn't even feel tired, but I knew I should be. Sometimes I find some mindless crap on the t.v. to help lull me to sleep, but I wanted to go it alone last night. I think the t.v. and I will find something vapid to watch tonight.

The good news is, I had a really pleasant evening with my friend J.

I find myself wishing for a rainy day today. Odd, I know. Well, not really that odd for me. When it really comes down to it, I think I'm looking for an excuse to stay in my jammies and do at home stuff.

My ankles are feeling the effects of working out the last two days; I forgot about the squeaky achilles thing. I think I'll just use the treadmill today, then again, the treadmill seems to take forever to burn calories.

This morning's breakfast was particularly yummy. I ate my favourite cereal and then chopped up the sweetest, most delicious, organic strawberries. Yum!

Food diary:

• 1 cup PC Fibre cereal with Bran Flakes; 1% milk & approx 4 chopped organic strawberries
• 1 cuppa with 1% milk and Splenda™ (currently going cold whilst I type this)

A friend recently told me that I'm really hot and cold. At first I was a touch offended and then realized it was just because I knew he was right. It seems like many areas of my life are begging for consistency.

Now off to motivate myself for the gym.

More later.

cupcake

xo

Mitten, mitten, who's got the mitten?

After removing the mittens from my gym back, I laughed, packed up my summer gym clothes and away we went. Callum and Mummy, together at the gym! The beautiful thing about my gym is there is a kid's play area, fully monitored by two attendants who are certified CPR folks. There are wonderful toys, other kids, and loads of fun to be had :)

It was really difficult to motivate myself, but I made a promise, not only to me, but to T. I didn't want to let either one of us down.

Again today I went to the gym with Wee Man and I had a great time, and so did he! Woo hoo! I pushed myself hard today, but was nowhere near the level I was when I stopped going to the gym regularly in February. The good news is, this revelation cleared up something in my head; I was doing well before, I had achieved something to be proud of, and I can do it again.

One thing that's going to be really tough is the food thing. Man oh man, my eating habits would shame anyone; I really am gross with food. The food diary is going to have to come back. Starting today.

Food diary:

1 cup fibre cereal with 1% milk

1 cuppa with 1% and a packet of Splenda™ (I tried to live w/o it, but I can't!)

1 frozen mac 'n' cheese (250 calories... not the healthiest choice)

1 medium peach

1 litre water

1 handful mixed nuts

Large salad with the following ingredients: green leaf lettuce; toasted raw almonds; red pepper; celery; onion; grated gouda and a very light dressing made with grapeseed oil and mustard

1/2 chick'n breast stuffed with corn and black beans

1 ear of delicious corn with 3/4 fat butter

1 handful of sweet and yummy strawberries

1 large spoonful of Activia™ yogurt

There is a vanilla cake with a fresh strawberry layer in the middle that is calling my name. It's calling so loudly that I feel like that's all I can hear! There are also loads of other naughty foods that I have collected lately, sitting in their own special cupboard. I must not cave. Self discipline is necessary.

Exercise:

• -405 calories on elliptical
• -210 calories on treadmill
• 12 reps on each of the 9 weight machines in the circuit; 15 reps each inner and outer thigh machines; 12 reps (each leg) on the glute machine
• 30 crunches
• 30 leg lifts
• 8 puke inducers

The scary thing for me about food is, I can't stop eating. Even when I'm full, I keep eating... pure gluttony. This acquaintance of mine was encouraging people to (essentially) put their best foot forward and really put an effort into life. I was moved by this sentiment 'cause I tend not to put my best effort into life and I have no idea why!?!

Best foot forward from now on. Best foot forward.

cupcake

xo

P.S.

Last I looked (this afternoon) I weighed a staggering 201.8... the most I've weighed in a long time.

Addendum to the food diary:

2 x Bud Light Lime; shared with a good friend... that means the calories don't count, right?!

I suck.

Seriously.  Look at the size of me!  My head looks so small on top of that giant body.  I'm back up to 191 pounds of disgustingness.  God help me.  I need help, but it needs to come from within.  I've struggled for so long now that I don't even know where to get the strength, determination and courage from.

SIGH...

The day

Exercise

- 554 calories on elliptical

- 256 calories on treadmill

Total calories burned = 810!  

Food

1 Kashi™ cherry & chocolate granola bar (130 cal)

1 cuppa with 1% milk & Splenda

1 litre water

1.5 cups leek & potato soup

Hunk of sweet potato cornbread

3 lilliput eggs (it was a mistake, but a yummy one)

1 cup vegan chili (made by me)

1/3 cup brown rice

2 tbsp sour cream (50 cal)

cupcake

xo

Chubby tummy

Grrr.  When will I ever learn?!  One day of relaxed eating is likely okay.  Four days?  Not good at all.  My tummy is feeling, and looking, really chubby.  Grrr.

Exercise

- 553 calories on elliptical

-237 calories on treadmill

Total calories burned = 790 

Food

1/2 bran cereal with 1% milk & 2 medium-sized strawberries

2 x cuppas with 1% milk & Splenda™

1/2 cup chopped fresh strawberries

1 serving Kozy Shack™ no sugar added chocolate pudding

3 tbsp light Cool Whip™

1 cup vegan chili (made by moi)

1 tbsp sour cream

1/4 cup brown rice

750 ml of the skankiest tasting water around (from the gym fountain... ugh)

2 litres water flavoured with 1/2 strength Crystal Light™

1 ¼ cups homemade leek & potato soup - delicious!

A chunk of homemade sweet potato cornbread - delicious!

2 oven chips

cupcake

xo

Muffin top

Oh the muffin top.  Coveted in the food sense, dreaded in the body shape.  How can one thing be so good and yet so evil at the same time?  Food for thought.

Exercise

50 minutes on elliptical - burned 553 calories

22 minutes on treadmill - burned 217 calories

Total calories burned = 770 

Food

1 cup fibre cereal with 1% milk = approx. 270 calories

10 organic globe grapes = approx. 35 calories (1.5 cups = 62 calories)

1 cuppa with 1% milk & Splenda™

2 litres water

1/4 cup brown rice

2 cups stir-fry, including low-fat tofu & sauce made from almond butter; liquid smoke; sesame oil; Bragg's™ Liquid Amino; rice vinegar & fresh ginger 

Pudding on a cloud with 1/2 cup chopped strawberries (175 calories)

1 flat bun

1 kid's size veggie burger from Lick's™ (made at home)

Lettuce

1 tbsp Heinz™ chili sauce (made by God)

1/2 tbsp light mayo

1 rice chip

1 baked french fry

.42 of an ounce of marble cheese

Amazingly, after all that delicious food I am still hungry.  No kidding.  My tummy is growling right now!

cupcake

xo

Key lime...

Exercise

52 minutes on elliptical - burned 579 calories

20 minutes on treadmill - burned 201 calories

Food

1 cup fibre cereal with 1% milk (270 calories)

1 litre water... must drink more in the evening

1 egg salad sandwich on whole wheat (from Tim Horton's™ - 390 calories)

1 can Diet Pepsi™

1 key lime donut... umm... oops... it was DELICIOUS! (320 calories)

1 Kashi™ cherry chocolate granola bar (130 calories)

1 Blue Menu™ nuke 'em veggie lasagna (surprisingly tasty & satisfying @ 240 calories)

1 cuppa with 1% milk & Splenda™ 

1 container of Kozy Shack™ no sugar added pudding (90)

3 tbsp of light Cool Whip™ (a strong emphasis on the 'wh' sound!) (35 calories)

1/2 cup chopped fresh strawberries (maybe 50 calories?)

According to my calculations, I have eaten 570 more calories than I have burned off.  If I had removed the granola bar & donut, I would've only eaten 120 more calories than burned.  Not bad.  Thing is though, I did eat both of those things and I also feel like I'll eat something else before the evening's out.  I have pudding on a cloud in mind...

Okay, so I had the pudding on a cloud and it was really yummy!  So now the final tally is 745 calories (give or take b/c I'm not sure how much 1% milk I have in my tea) more taken in than burned off.  Ouch.  Oh well. 

I'm really hungry today and have broken out like a teenager.  Hmm, maybe I'm getting younger from all the exercise!?!  Wishful thinking.  Although I have heard that exercising can possibly give you a younger, and of course healthier body (and mind).

cupcake

xo